30 Must-Haves When You Turn 30

Last night I read a Houston Chronicle/Cosmo article by reality TV star Lauren Conrad on 29 things every girl needs before she turns thirty. And I threw up in my mouth a little.

Some were practical and smart, like a fire extinguisher. Others, like a cake stand or matching napkins, were depressingly inaccurate. If you want a cake stand, by all means, go buy one. But a necessity? I think not.

It got me all riled up. So in response, here is my list of things you really do need when you turn 30.

Actual Necessities 
1. 401k - Only 30ish more years til retirement, so you better start saving now!
2. Education - Whether it is a college degree, on-the-job training, by 30 you should have the education you need to support yourself. Even if you don't work out of the home, having the ability to if it all goes to shit is really important.
3. OBGYN - For your health, find a doctor you trust and see them regularly. They'll know your medical history and can help you more effectively.
4. Bank account(s) - No more money in your sock drawer. Be a grown up and put it in the bank.
5. Fire safe - Even just a small one for your social security card and similarly important paperwork. You may even stick a few sentimental things in there; ours has the DVD of our wedding photos and our ultrasound pic of Cade.
6. Health insurance - Hopefully with Obamacare we all get some help getting this.
7. Relationship with your parents - As in a good one. Parents or whomever played the "raising" you role. Knowing you as a self-sufficient adult should be their payout for all the times they grounded you, helped with homework, etc.
8. Active activity - One you can actually stick to. Swimming, running, yoga, whatever, you need an active activity to help manage weight, stress and generally be in good health.
9. Life insurance - God forbid something happens, you should have at least enough life insurance to cover the funeral and ideally enough to help your family pay off any major debts like a mortgage.
10. Will - While we're on the topic, you need a will. It should include end-of-life care instructions, and if you have dependents, a plan for their care.
11. Fire extinguisher - I told you, I agree with some of Lauren Conrad's suggestions and this is one. You should really have a fire extinguisher, maybe two.
12. Designated driver - Every time you drink, have a plan to NOT drink and drive. Your date,  your friend, Uber, the couch at the place you are drinking. You are too old to risk the safety of yourself and others because of alcohol.
13. Family plan - Not the "husband, 2.5 kids and a dog" kind. But the family planning kind. Want kids right now? Great, you know how to get them! Don't want kids right now? Great, you know how to not get them. Be an active participant in your sexual health and family planning.
14. Sense of self - You probably tried on a lot of different hats in your 20s (and you'll probably keep doing that forever). By 30 you should sorta know who you are or at least be closer to figuring it out, and be COMFORTABLE with it. If you are a working woman, that's wonderful. If you are an incredible wife and mother, that's wonderful. If you are an enthusiastic patriot and community servant, that's wonderful. Just like it's OK to hate cooking, love cooking, really enjoy country music, love sappy chick flicks or hate red wine.
15. Confidence - Right there with your sense of self, the confidence to be that person, to stand up for what you believe in and be a leader in your own way.

Really, Really, Really Good To Have
16. Flashlight - Again, Lauren Conrad wasn't all wrong.
17. Tool set - Again, she did OK on this one.
18. Adult email address - Please say goodbye to HotHon3y@aol.com. You can't apply for a job or mortgage with that. Use your name or initials.
19. Facebook privacy settings - Understand them and put a few in place. Your boss does not need to see you in a bikini. Really.
20. Resume - Especially if you work outside of the home, but even if you don't, a relatively current resume is always smart to have on hand. You never know when you'll need it.
21. Realistic Budget - No matter how much or how little money you have, a budget keeps it in check. You should have one and be reasonably good at sticking to it.
22. Get outta debt plan - Maybe it is to get 100% outta debt or maybe just to pay off your credit cards. Either is great and the less debt you have, the more freedom you will gain.
23. Passport - Fingers crossed you have a really fun reason to use it. But if a last minute need to travel abroad (remember, that includes Mexico and Canada) comes up, you don't want to be caught in the cluster that is often expedited passport requests.
24. Roadside Assistance Plan - Whether its your own two hands, a paid service or a few reliable family/friends, make sure you know how to bail yourself out if the car battery dies or a tire goes flat.
25. Negotiation skills - Very important for salary, car buying, home buying or even just vacation rental. Or having a toddler.
26. BFF - A girlfriend, husband, your mom. At least one person who you love and can share everything with. You deserve someone to celebrate your highs with and help you through the lows.

Nice To Have
27. Wow outfit - one outfit that you feel really good about yourself when wearing. Doesn't matter if it is work, date-night or what. You deserve to have something you feel fabulous in.
28. Comfortable mattress - Another Lauren Conrad win. You spend 1/4-1/3 of your life sleeping. It should be good quality.
29. Boots - Maybe they are cute, but they should definitely be functional for whatever your winters are like. Now if you live in Hawaii, you can probably substitute flip flops here.
30. Kitchen Favorite - Depending on how you most like to use your kitchen, you should have something in your kitchen that you really really love. Cake stand (to each his own), wine glasses, food processor, margarita machine, it doesn't really matter. Eating and drinking are important, let's enjoy them.

Mommy Favorites

Amanda is my favorite mommy blogger of all time and I am very honored to tell you I actually know her awesome self. She is besties with AJ (my college roomie) and she and I have been co-bridesmaids together. She now has no less than FOUR kiddos, including one whose age can still be reported in days, and yet she's going to splash pads and Costco. I can barely handle splash pads with my one kiddo and I can't handle Costco alone.

If you need a laugh or some mommy-inspiration, read her stuff. Also she's a damn good photographer so there are cute kid pics too!


Another fav: my favorite parenting advice article as of late is this one. Specifically this part

Set the bar low. As I wrapped up my first son's 1-year visit, the pediatrician said, "Your job this year is basically just to keep him alive." I laughed. He wasn't joking. I thought, "Really?! Just keep him alive? What about proper nutrition, developmental milestones and nurturing his growing brain with educational toys?" Then little Eli started walking... and running... and climbing... and jumping... and I understood the pediatrician's advice, even as I marveled at my little daredevil's ability to find danger in the safest of environments.
So yes, lower your expectations of yourself. Your sweet baby is about to go running into the world. Wear comfy shoes, try to keep up, and stock up on colorful band-aids.

Oh Mr. Sandman...

Back in April-ish, I admitted to the blog-o-sphere (er, all 5 of you who read this), that I am one sleepy lady. I am bummed to tell you that now, at the end of May, it isn't much better.

Sure, I have had good nights of sleep since then, thank goodness. But it is still a recurring issue. I've met with my doctor twice and though I like her a lot and think she is really trying to help me, they haven't proven to be fruitful cure-all visits.

I'm moving on to less "medical" treatments (ie less drugs) and more...more...I dunno...other things treatments. Hypnosis anyone?

I'll admit, I am fearful of being told "it's called working motherhood, welcome to the club" or maybe worse "you need to unwind earlier, have you tried meditation." I think I would cry over the former; punch someone over the latter.

So if you angry-elephant-stampede punch type "I don't want to freakin meditate I want to freakin be awake during the day and asleep at night damn it" into Google and you find one other person has searched that...well, you know where to find her.

No Fake-Booking

On Friday I picked up an unread four month old copy of Real Simple. It had an article that encouraged women to take a week back in January and do some real honest social media sharing. Less "my family is perfect!" and more "here we are, warts and all."

I'm on board with the sentiment but of course there is a fine line between being honest and airing your dirty laundry. Nobody likes the latter.

But this isn't soapbox post about laundry, dirty or otherwise. It is a "no Fake-book" style blog post where I tell you that though life is pretty freakin' awesome, I am really really tired.

Not like "I chased a toddler around all day, had 6 clients meetings and have applesauce in my hair" tired. Because thankfully Cade spent the day with his Nana and it was no-work Sunday (I might have applesauce in my hair though; I haven't looked in the mirror since dinnertime). But legit "I have insomnia" tired. So there you have it. A working mother with insomnia. I am sure all the parents who are reading find that to be shocking... as in not at all shocking.

So I am drinking peppermint tea instead of my preferred chardonnay right now. And I am about to take a bubble bath, not because I'm a bubble-bath-aholic like my husband but because it was one of the more feasible items on the "100 ways to cure insomnia and if you have time for any of these you probably are not an insomniac" list.

Note: love and console your teething toddler, be successfully self-employed, snuggle with your dog in bed and enjoy late night snacks with your husband were not on the list. See, this list is overwhelmingly not feasible and not enjoyable. Except the promised sleep part. That sounds pretty freakin enjoyable if you ask me.

And I think that's about it. But I should really get off my computer now because # 34 on the list was not to sit in front of a screen after like 4p (or some other not-feasible early hour) and it is closing in on 8p. Night night (I hope)!

#Winning at Motherhood

Hi, nice to see you. I know it's been five days. I'll try not to go MIA for so long again.

At also helps to have a supremely cute baby

Tonight one of my not-yet-a-mom girlfriends asked me what I thought the tangible things were you needed to be successful at motherhood. I'm not sure how she defined success but I was mentally thinking "to keep your family alive, healthy-ish, happy and sane-ish."


She asked for the #1 but that's really hard. So here are my top 4, in priority order.

1. The real, genuine desire to be a mom. Because when you get simultaneously peed and spit up on while changing a poopy diaper only really, really wanting to be a parent will keep you sane. That and excellent baby wipes. Seriously though, motherhood is both wonderful and challenging. Sometimes at the same moment and sometimes you just feel one of those things. When you are feeling the latter, it is incredibly helpful to remember how much, in the big picture of life, you want to be a mom.
2. A good relationship with your significant other. I assume fatherhood is also wonderful and challenging. Inevitably there will be moments that you are both feeling the challenging part and will lean on each other. Many times that will get you through it. But sometimes you will fight. Sometimes you will have big, sucky, awful fights. You need to love each other and be so committed to each other that you can power through the big, sucky, awful fights. And work well enough together that even in the middle of that fight, you can get the baby dressed, fed, diaper bag packed, house locked up and be out the door to do whatever it is life mandates you do, fight or no fight.
3. A strong village. Not your literal town of course, but the village in "it takes a village to raise a child." People you trust with your kid, pets, house, car, self, etc who you can call to help with whichever one of those is needing some extra help. And who will find a way to help you, come hell or high water. The kind of people who will call in sick to their own job because you need them that desperately. People who will non-nonchalantly wash your dishes and not mention that you have spit up in your hair and your breath smells like a horse's rear. You really really need those people.
4. Financial stability. There is likely someone who will debate this one and that's fine. In my experience though, financial stability matters. In the pre-baby days, Ross and I had a seriously impressive (not from the dollar amounts so much as the organization) family budget. We could tell you exactly how many dollars came in when and exactly how many went out and to what. Post-baby, the reality is we know roughly how much comes in, what the big bills are and when they are due. I have no idea where all the little $5, $10 and $20 things go to like I used to. NOT A CLUE. And with a baby, there are a lot more of those. My point is for me, it is important to have enough financial stability not to need to track those things. Because if we are too tired to cook and we really just want to spend $15 on ordering in pizza, we need to be able to do that without concern.

So there you have it. In the World According to Cheryl, those are the four things you need to say you are #winning at motherhood.

PS BONUS I would say you need to be happy with what you did pre-baby. Like for us we really wanted to go to Europe. So we did. And if it is 10 or 15 (gulp) years before we can travel like that again, so be it. We checked that off our list. DOUBLE BONUS You also need Amazon Prime.

Feel the Burn!

This morning had the makings of awesome. And then it crashed and burned. And then it turned into the best work-out I've had in weeks (months? A year?).

Ross and I had our game plan for the day. I woke up, fed and dressed a baby, and took him for a stroller walk. Then a little work during naptime and at 11a handed the Cade-man to his daddy for some Target shopping and gym-time.

Unfortunately at 11:29 Ross called to say I had the carseat in my car and thus he was unable to drive Cade to Erin's. [Me: Expletive Expletive!]

Leave Target, drive home while literally cursing myself for messing up my 90 minutes of alone time awesomeness. Throw a hissy fit when I get home. Ross tells me - go back! Go to the gym!

So I did. As he put it, I worked out some demons. Damn, it was a good work out. But it did remind me that I really needed to update my workout play list. It was very 2012 (and yes I know we are 3/4 through 2013...I've been busy birthing a baby and whatnot).

Now that baby boy is asleep for the night, I poured a glass of wine and got to work on my playlist. My new additions are

• Applause
• Everybody Talks
• Locked out of Heaven
• Roar (because I'm a bad ass, like Rocky)
• The Way You Make Me Feel (flashback to some classic MJ!)
• Little White Church (had to have 1 country song)
• I Like to Move it (ode to the 90s)
• Sexy Back (because duh, that's why I'm at the gym)

What beats do you feel the burn to?

because no post is complete w/o a cute baby pic

To the Royal Mum

Like most of the developed world, I've spent the past 48 hours on Royal Baby Watch. God bless ABC News and its extensive coverage. As one new mother to another, if I could speak to Kate, here's what I'd say.

Our heir and his throne

Yes - this is a letter of unsolicited advice. I suspect it won't be the first nor the last piece of unsolicited advice you receive.

I'm going to assume you are nursing, at least for a short while. In which case, grapes are your new best friend of a snack food. You can eat them with one hand, they are cold and they are juicy which is perfect because you are already or are about to be wildly dehydrated.

What works this week for Baby Cambridge may not work next week but might work again in two weeks. Rhyme or reason? Nope. No such thing.

Even with a palace full of cooks, butlers, nannies and maids, if you feel like a crazy person, that's OK. It's the sleep deprivation. Because there are some things all the hired help in the world can't do for you - like nursing your baby, eating your meals, taking your showers or taking your naps. And somehow, 24 hours in a day really really isn't enough. (And if you feel the urge to punch the next person who tells you to "sleep when the baby sleeps" that's OK too.)

And finally, though you probably own every baby contraption in England, if you don't already have it, may I recommend the $37 vibrating bouncer chair from Target. It is like baby crack and is totally worth importing.

Good luck and may Baby Cambridge be an excellent sleeper,
CB

Yahoo

I jumped the Yahoo ship a couple years ago for Google and am now a Google addict. But Yahoo still holds a special place in my heart, one right next to my hubby since we met via Yahoo Personals.

Even with that very special place in my heart, I'm not a fan of their new, and now very public, policy that discontinues remote work environments. If you aren't yet familiar, here's the (admittedly biased) Wall Street Journal article on it.

I could go on a rant, mostly agreeing with WSJ, on the silliness of being anti-flexibility. But instead I want to highlight a moderate suggestion in the article that I think is really smart. It reads...

Asking employees to be “flexible on flexibility” —  setting core hours for meetings, coming into the office for group brainstorms or setting specific hours for conference calls — are helpful approaches.

That's a really great, moderate, win-win and realistic suggestion. The idea that employees more or less need to be available for X core hours in a day makes a lot of sense. Now you aren't going to please everyone; someone will inevitably have pre-school pick-up, or consider those prime napping hours or some other obligation. But like they say, you can't please everyone all the time.

Regardless of what Yahoo does (heck, I don't work there), I'd love to see more companies embrace flexibility and look for middle-of-the-road approaches to balancing business and employee needs.

What to pack?

Since I'm off work today for President's Day I decided I'd take the extra time and get our hospital bag packed. Here's the conversation with my hubby about it

Me: Most the stuff will be for me of course but I've got a go-home outfit for him. And I thought I'd pack a change of clothes, toothbrush and contact lens case for you. Anything else you'd like to make sure we have on us so you don't have to go run to the store or home? Deodorant maybe?
Ross: Yeah, deodorant. Gum.

So I picked up and packed not one but two packs of gum. How couples ever had babies before gum, I know not.

Among the other things I've been told to pack (and have packed) are a bathrobe, bendy straws (very good suggestion!), shampoo, face wash, socks and a variety of things too personal to blog about.

If you've been down this road or have helped someone down it, what else do you suggest packing?

Dr. Ross Says...

Me: I can't decide what to do. I want to go to the gym but ya know how I've started getting winded just from putting away laundry...

Ross: Yeah, you need to take it easy.

Me: I know but...

Ross: Honey, just sit on the couch and get fat for a few weeks. Enjoy it.


Done.

Orange ya glad

Remember that knock knock joke where every time the other person says "who's there?" you say "Banana! knock knock" and then the last time you say "Orange!" and then "Orange ya glad I didn't say banana?"

Yeah that's what I thought of today when I discovered that at 31 weeks, baby Cade is the size of about four navel oranges. (As you can see babycenter.com is starting to have to get creative with their produce analogies.) In case you don't know how big four navel oranges are off the top of your head, that's about 3.3 pounds. While birthing a 3 pound baby sounds a little less daunting, we still have some cooking to do because 6-8 pounds is what I'm aspiring toward. Nine weeks should be plenty of time for that.

My four navel oranges worth of baby is incredibly active. It's not so much kicking as just constant shifting. I imagine him in there being like "sitting on my right side sounds good" and "no maybe laying on my left will be better" and "I could try upside down." Basically like his mom, he just can't find a position that is comfortable so changes it constantly. Like every five minutes constantly.

In outside the womb news, I've made great headway on some baby related to-dos lately. I did in fact schedule a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital (early Feb). I also sought out some pediatrician recommendations. Between both our circle of friends and my co-workers, six people I know use the same pediatric practice! I'm set to interview them as well as one other practice I found myself and then happened to get referred to from a coworker. I'm sure between the two, one will be a perfect fit for us.

Thanks for the furniture Gramma Nancy!

And finally, the nursery furniture has arrived! Ross had complained about the never ending stream of bookshelves he was building for our new house. I've got good news for him - no bookshelves for the nursery! (Not yet at least.) Just a dresser and a crib/changing table combo, which I'm sure is much easier to build than a boring old bookshelf. Yeah, right. Happy building honey!

The Treatment of Windows

It sounds like it could be a very serious post by the ACLU or something right?

But no, not nearly that serious.

Like fashion, I have the basics of decorating down. Colors should match and/or "go." Looks should be somewhat consistent. Furniture should be puppy/kid friendly (this is decorating for MY house after all).

But also like fashion, going bold or big-ish things stump me. Big-ish including four 34 inch wide windows in my living room.

So I'm crowd-sourcing. What do I do with these? Here are my parameters as I see/know them now.

1. Casual and contemporary: We aren't a very formal family and neither is our home.
2. Natural light: I really love the afternoon light I can have through these windows and would like to retain it. Also Ross loves him a dark cave of a room. If he has heavy lined curtains he can close, our living room will never see the light of day. I want to make turning the living room into a cave difficult to impossible.
3. Big room: The living room is huge. HUGE I tell you. I think we need to use the curtains to make it cozier, not bigger.

OK ready, set, advise.

PS How is it that curtains, fairly easy to replace, scare me but paint does not? It's like how I can't keep a cactus alive but dogs and children seem to be no problem. Bizzare-o-world.

Good Read on American Families

Spurred by a New York Times recommendation, I just read "How Older Parenthood Will Upend American Society." 

First, OK, yes the title might be a bit much. And a second caveat, it's a little science-y. Especially for me. But I'll give you the layman's summary:

People are waiting longer to have kids (in 1970 the average age for a woman to have her first baby was around 21; now it is 25) and as much as there are benefits like general maturity and financial stability to that, there are also risks. Risks include fertility struggles, the child's health, a smaller family "village" to help raise the child and the economics of a shrinking population.

Young parents, on-par aged parents, old parents - all that aside. I really like the way the article ends: with a call to action for a more family-friendly society. There are lots of ideas about what that means. With my thus very limited scope, if I were Queen of the World, I would start with family leave and up it to at least the following

• 6 months maternity leave
• 6 months paternity leave (and somehow make it totally normal and expected by employers that new dads actually use at least most of it)
• partially-paid for the full duration, funded by the government

And then as Queen of the World, I'd move on to these things which have a variety of reasons for being more family friendly than what is happening now

• More job-sharing, starting with, you got it, government jobs
• Make "work-life balance" an everyone's issue, not a women's issue (starting with making the Mitt Romneys of the world also ask men what time they need to get home for dinner with the family)
• Public pre-school because early education is important for the long-haul and as icing on the cake, this would reduce the years that working parents pay for full-time childcare
• Free prenatal health care. Because duh.
• Free childhood immunizations. Because duh.
• Stabilize the cost of college so that educated wanna-be-parents don't have to choose between paying off college loans and baby-related expenses
• Increase incentive (maybe reduced interest rate on federal loans? partial loan forgiveness?) to finish a 2 year degree in 2 years and 4 year degree in 4 years so young adults are ready to enter the workforce quicker and can get their feet under them younger

If you were Queen (or King) of the World, how would you make it more family-friendly?

Very Strong Opinions About Sports

I'm sure it's shocking to anyone reading this that I have very strong opinions about something. Today's edition: sports.

1. A championship series should not be won in a sweep. Two teams that make it that far should be better matched...and should give the fans a more interesting series.
2. The MLB season should be shortened by a month. Ross and I have had numerous conversations on this. The MLB season should finish at the end of August and play-offs should be in September. It would make each regular season game more important and reduce the conflict with football, both of which we are sure would be valuable to MLB.
3. California, Florida and New York should not all have more football teams than Texas. Seriously. We are the capitol of football.
4. Austin-San Antonio should have an NFL team. Again, Ross and I have discussed this at length. The stadium should be in the Buda-Kyle-San Marcos area so as to pull fans/employees from both metropolis areas. The team should be the Mustangs which we think could be translated into Spanish as Los Caballos and thus nicely meeting Texas' bilingual citizenship. And obviously we should be the team's owners and thus obscenely wealthy.
5. Coaches should dress nicely on game day. I'm not a basketball or NBA lover but the way their coaches' attire should be imitated. And if arguably a suit isn't appropriate for outdoor MLB/NFL venues, at least reach a golfer's standard. MLB coaches look ridiculous in their tight pants. And Bill Belichick, quit it with the torn sweatshirts man; they pay you better than that.
6. Congress should stay out of pro sports. I know they have better things to do than investigate this pro sport scandal or that pro sport scandal. I wish they would start doing those better things and let the leagues, and where appropriate local law enforcement, do the policing.

Speaking of politics, though it's not one of my strong opinions, I do like the idea that the Presidential election be settled by a sporting event. What if the Lions and the Bears could square off to pick this year's winner? Likely a much more flattering method for both sides.

Maternity Clothes #Fail

First, this is not a rant about being fat or achey or hating maternity cloths.

Second, as a chick and marketing gal, I'm not someone who is horribly opposed to pretty models. I would appreciate they don't be totally emaciated but I get that clothing ads are selling you an image. "Wear this bra and you too can look like Tyra Banks or Heidi Klum." I get it, whatever, no big deal.

I have however found the exception to the rule.

Actual image from site

I was just online shopping Motherhood Maternity and the "lingerie" link piqued my curiosity. (Pretty nighties that flatter my belly? Sign me up!)

The first page of this section was much more boring: bras. Plain white or nude colored bras, basic, functional, practical. OK, that's fine. Then while browsing these less than exciting bras, it dawned on me - I could see the models' abs. ABS. Do you know what pregnant ladies do not have? ABS!

I'm offended because 1) how dare you try to sell me the image of having a set of flat washboard abs while I am PREGNANT and 2) do your job better marketing and advertising team! This is an embarrassment to your industry. You should know your audience better than this!

Now I can just hear the argument: "Oh well these bras are also for nursing so those women wouldn't be pregnant any more."

True. But how many women who are still nursing have beautiful flat abs? Very few I tell you, very few. Nice try but you fail.

The one or two models who were not flaunting their abs were the models featured in the plus size section so not so much pregnant as just a different size and shape.

Motherhood Maternity, you suck. I'm hereby waging (social media) war on you.

Q: Study Decor

Another day, another home decor predicament. (First world problems, I know.)

The first room anyone will see at our new house will be my study; it's right off the foyer and has glass french doors. First impressions and all, I want to hit a home decor grandslam on a barely-swung-for-a-single budget.

There are a few pieces I'm working with. First, my white Ikea desk. It looks something like this

Source: google.com via Cheryl on Pinterest

Then I have a wood-framed travel map with pins for everywhere we've been. Like this

 Source: google.com via Cheryl on Pinterest

 

I'd like to have both in my study but they don't really go together. I've been trying to brainstorm decor options that might make it work, challenge in and of itself, but last night I discovered Ross has an opinion about what my study looks like because 1) he wants me to have a nice study and 2) everyone will see it. Talk about challenging! Please me, the hubby and use what we currently have.

Here are some of what I've been pinning that I like (not that that means Ross likes them but personally since its my office, I think my opinion is the most important here, but I digress)

Source: google.com via Cheryl on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Cheryl on Pinterest

Source: hgtv.com via Cheryl on Pinterest

So white desk, wood-framed map, wood floors, french doors, a window to the front yard and a little bit of budget. That's what we've got.

Any ideas for how to decorate this sucker? Put the map elsewhere (and if so where?) and do something totally different? Ditch the desk? Wall paint color? Area rug? Bookshelves? Curtains?

Project Plates

I should start by saying the plates I have now are fantastic - good looking and nice Pottery Barn quality. They were a hand-me-down from KBR when I was in college and have survived 2 years in the BU ghetto, a cross-country move, 2 Texas apartments, a new house and a wedding. They are really good plates.

However with our new house, I decided it would be time for new plates. Because 1) green plates + red kitchen = perpetual Christmas and 2) plate fatalities mean I no longer have a full set.

Enter Project Plates.

In my Pinteresting-like-a-madwoman I also looked at plates. Last week or so I fell in love with a collection of Noritake plates and after conversing with the husband, decided on the chocolate brown ones (the plainer of the chocolate brown options; believe it or not, hubby did not want over the top flowery things).

But holy cow were they expensive! At full price they were $80 per place setting! And I wanted 12 place settings! They were on sale at Macy's for nearly 50% off so I figured I'd just buy them now but always the bargain hunter I poked around to see if they were priced better elsewhere. And they were.

On Overstock.com my chocolate brown plates were priced at $122 per 4 place setting package. I prayed to the shopping/sales gods that the price would hold and the next day at lunch took an adventure to see them in person. They checked out and back at the office I placed my order.

My new plates arrived today. I've opened one box to ensure that they are in the appropriate number of whole pieces. They are and they are packaged so well I'm not even going to open that second box.

For now I have place settings for 8 as 8 coffee mugs is more than enough for this non-coffee drinking house. I'll get another 4-5 settings as individual pieces later on.

But before I purchase my other place settings and serveware, I need your help. This casual china line is positioned as a mix-and-match line. I love the idea of (strategic) mix-and-match but I know I'm no good at it. (Seriously I never even mixed black and camel in my wardrobe until one ballsy day last month.)

Here is my Pinterest board of dinnerware. What pieces do I get to go with my existing 8 place settings?

Uncharitable

On my recent biz trip I brought along and devoured Uncharitable by Dan Pallotta. Holy smokes it was good.

The whole premise of the book is that there are these unwritten rules about how charities are supposed to be run but these rules hold charities back and render them ineffective, or at the very least, unable to live up to their full potential.

Pallotta goes into many many rules but let me touch on the ones that resonated most with me.

• Charities can't take risks primarily because if they fail then money that was supposed to go to a cause has been "wasted." Of course, with big risk comes big reward, even if it takes a few tries. How many people are going unserved because charities can't take a risk with funding sources, program delivery and more?
• Employees of charities should be working out of the kindness of their hearts and willing to sacrifice some (or lots) of pay. Demanding a compensation package that accurately reflects their skills and worth is supposedly greedy and taking from the cause. However, it is somehow moral to get rich while potentially harming people (tobacco anyone?) but immoral to get rich helping people. Imagine if charities could match the private sector in salaries. Maybe Warren Buffet or Bill Gates would have made their fortunes curing diseases.
• Charities can't advertise. Again because it is "taking" money from the cause. Buying a Superbowl ad, or even local paper ad, is seen as frivolous spending despite the awareness it creates. However we all know from our personal consumer experiences that the more awareness we have of something, the more attractive it is. For example, you didn't want an iPod until you were aware of it.
• The most important figure for determining a charity's effectiveness is the percent that "goes to the cause" versus the percent that is overhead. While I doubt anyone would salute ineffective or mismanage charities, this figure is virtually meaningless since 1) there are no guidelines as to what "going to the cause" actually means. For instance, the electric bill at a community clinic is considered overhead by most but is certainly required to have the lights, computers, screening equipment, etc on. And 2) it says nothing about effectiveness. A soup kitchen that spends 90% on "the cause" but serves watered down soup is not more effective than a kitchen that spends 80% on "the cause" but is serving hearty vegetable soup.
• Charities are expected to act like a business but without any of the same allowances. Since a business can rake risks, pay employees almost whatever it likes, advertise, sell stock, spend on infrastructure how it see fits etc, it has a nearly endless set of allowances not afforded to charities. This is a pretty all encompassing point.

It could be easy to read this book and think "well, charity is doomed." But of course, it's not. Charity and the charitable sector have been around for centuries and aren't going anywhere. However if we want to see our charities grow stronger, do more good and enhance our communities even more, we need to empower them.

Here's my attempt at providing a few guidelines any one of us can do to make it happen.

• Give unrestricted gifts. When you make your donation, don't specify how it has to be spent. Trust the org to use it wisely (the vast majority do) and if they need staplers or bathroom cleaner or staff health insurance, just let them spend it that way. It all helps the cause in the end.
• Ask about the change made and not the percent "going to the cause." Volunteers or staff will be thrilled to tell you how many kids learned to read, the amount saved by keeping someone out of jail and the number of kitties with new homes. You'll be able to better determine how much good the org is doing and probably feel really satisfied with your donation or volunteer service. It's a two-for.
• Advocate for better salaries. If you read about a nonprofit exec "getting paid too much," look into it before declaring the person devil spawn. Have they increased fundraising dramatically? Enhanced services? Improved effectiveness? And if you have the chance to serve on the board, support staff salary increases or bonuses to help retain the most effective staff members.

Happy do gooding!

EuroTrip Inquiry

Dear Friends,

Sights I expect to see on my train riding

As you know, next month we are embarking on EuroTrip 2012. We have flights and we have hotels. Woohoo! What we do not have is train tickets.

Are these a "buy online before we go" purchase or a "buy in the station when you get there" purchase? Which is easier? Which is cheaper?

If you suggest buying online in advance do you have a suggestion on which site to use? Which train to travel on (assuming that like airlines, there's more than one)?

If you suggest buying in the station, any tips? How long before the train departure should we arrive? Are there additional fees for buying the day of? Will I need a passport to buy tickets between countries or just to deboard when we arrive?

Other general train tips for Europe? While I've traveled by a myriad of transportation options in North America and Australia, the European norms escape me. But I am sure you, my very well traveled friends, have all the answers.

Much thanks for your help!

Marie Claire & Me on Money

Since I discovered on my flight to NYC that my book. Making It Up, was awful, I splurged on the February issue of Marie Claire for the flight back. I liked the feature on Christina Aguilera, loved the feature on Gov. Nikki Haley and thought the Money Matters section was good enough to share here with you.

Here's a few of my fav tips from Money Matters + my own commentary:

• "Maximize your paycheck. Take pretax dollars from  your salary to ensure you have funds for things you need. A flexible spending account (FSA) lets you pay for health expenses..." The tricky thing about an FSA though the "use it or lose it" clause. For the first year you open one of these, I suggest figuring out your sure-thing expenses like contacts, birth control and other regular prescriptions. Only set aside enough for those and depending on how you spend, consider increasing the next year.
• "Skimp on the small stuff." This is why my college friends associate me with cheap toilet paper...and toothpaste, paper towels, etc. Needless to say, name brand is not always the way to go, especially on daily household purchases.
• "Make small changes at home. Save $33 a month: Turn your fridge temperature up to 40 degrees and your freezer up to 0." You bet I immediately checked my fridge. The other ideas here include surge protectors and compact fluorescent lightbulbs. I'd like to add in variable or low-flow toilets and keeping your home really warm in the summer and really cold in the winter (guilty as charged).
• "Shop solo. Browsing with a friend triggers competition; you'll be more objective alone." I have to admit this one isn't any fun but I know I do by less when I'm alone so there must be some truth to it.
• Take your lunch. OK this one wasn't in Marie Claire but I find it to be one of the best cost saving things to do on an almost daily basis. When we really need to save we take this one step further and instead of buying lunch stuff will make just a little more for dinner and take that with us. Dinner leftovers are especially cheap when it's pasta night.
• Use cash. Again not in Marie Claire but tried and true in the Black household. If you can't pay for it in cash, you can't afford it.