May 12, 2009

Working Girl, Wife, Mom and/or Me

Yesterday Haila and I had a conversation about how much time each element of your life is allocated and how that changes. Even now, when I'm not quite a wife and the closest thing I have to a child is an adorable puppy, I'm already feeling the tug-o-war of time. Would a 25 hour day change it? Probably not. It would just be another hour to split.

I don't mean to be a negative Nellie. That's not the goal here at all. In fact its just a reflection on the many directions and commitments in life once you reach "a certain age."

And a more interesting thing is when I started this post it was titled "Working Girl, Wife and/or Mom" but after about two sentences I realized I wasn't in any of those things. Yes, those are all things I am or aspire to be but they are all focused on serving or caring for someone else. Where was the me time even just in the blog title? So as an after thought I added myself to the list. Is that foreshadowing for life you think?

Anyways, Haila was saying that in the pre-Kass world, she was satisfied being the job, the working girl. But post-Kass, no way Jose. She's a mom first. On that same note, I'm comfortable, even happy, to put my career very close to the top for the time being. Climb that ladder and get someplace comfy that I can hang out at for the baby making years. But is the job really that important? Should the job ever come before the honey and the puppy, or in the case of later in life, the babies?

Joel's asked me before "If you had 1 week to live, what would you do? Would you come to work?" and of course the answer is NO. At most I might call the office and let them know it was time to look for additional help because I was checking out. That's assuming I thought about it. Honestly, I would probably pack up Ross and Lexi (knock Ross out with some powerful pain killers so that I could drag him onto a plane) and fly to paradise.

And when I do die, hopefully much longer than a week from now, will anyone say "Wow, she was a rockstar at social media and press releases" ? Christ, I hope not. Unless I invent something as world-altering as the Internet, what will hopefully be said about me will relate to the way I was a friend, wife, mother, daughter and granddaughter. If the blog or press releases get mentioned, all the better but God help me if they are the focus. That said, the most energy in my life should go to family and friends.

I know you say "duh" here; I say "duh" here. But I would be lying if I said it was always that easy. Nothing against the 1950s housewife, but that's not my goal. I want to have it all: my own identity, a hubby, kiddos, puppies and a career. So how to divvy it up?

Long story short, I sorta forgot the point I was going to drive home, and rest assured, many ramblings ago I was going to drive it home hardcore. However I guess you could say its that because I am a woman, because I am Type A, because I am anal retentive (thanks Melissa for defining that for me), I'm already, before becoming a wife or mother, feeling the inevitable tug-o-war on my time. And every time I feel it, even the slightest, it makes me admire my own mother that much more. When I was in high school, she balanced being herself, a wife, a mother, a career woman and a student. And ya know what, as her child I never felt neglected. In fact even if I didn't realize it then, her ambition and drive was building my expectations for myself. If she can do it all, I can too. I know her education took a temporary backseat so she could have babies, but she still earned her master's degree before I graduated high school. I'm sure her career also slowed at points because of a need to do things for us kiddos. I think ultimately she's OK with it; at least I've never heard her complain.

So maybe the take away point is way to go Mom. Way to rock at life, when I was a kiddo and now that I am a grown-up-ish person.

If you made it this far, you just read a serious stream of conciousness. You deserve a cookie.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks honey, you brought (happy) tears to my eyes. By the way, I admire you too!