Mar 5, 2009

I woke up at 3:30a today and now my mouth is numb

Actually the two are not related but it made for a fun title.

I woke up very very very early today because our local CBS affiliate did a story on LMK, new Girl Scout program all about online safety. The interview went great! And I got to work with my fav cameraman (Ben) and met an awesome new reporter (Bettie). Apparently I made Ben's day last week when I specifically asked Bettie if he would be the cameraman. She said its not often that cameramen get requested.

And now I can't feel my mouth because I went to the dentist and had to get fillings (lame). I was looking forward to coming home and seeing my honey but since I only have mild control over my mouth I'm kinda glad he's out playing softball. Maybe by the time he gets home, I'll be able to smile or pucker up for a kiss. Both are just comical at the moment.

In other news, I picked up a relationship advice book the other day (Ross and I are doing great, I just figure you can't read too much or be too prepared for the biggest day of your life). Actually I was looking for a wedding planning book and stumbled upon this. It's got two titles, one side is "Dumb things she does" and the other is "Dumb things he does." I was inspired to pick it up after seeing the chapter title "not knowing your place" under "dumb things she does." Rest assured fellow feminists, I was outraged. Outraged and curious so I started reading it there in the bookstore to see what this crazy conservative backwards writer had to say. What I learned was the writer, Holly Wagner, is neither crazy nor backwards though in all fairness, a little conservative. But despite my liberal political views, Ross and I do have a more conservative and traditional relationship.

Anyway, knowing your place, that terribly threatening title was not such a threatening chapter. It discussed the need to yield to one another and in this case, the need of the wife to yield to the husband at times. She gave the metaphor of two cars, a little car and a semi, driving down a two lane road that suddenly goes down to one lane. SOMEONE has to yield and by traffic laws, that's the semi. That doesn't mean the semi is a lesser vehicle or a weaker vehicle, just that someone had to yield to avoid a crash. That's Holly's (we're on a first name basis) whole point; when you come to a stand off someone has to yield and its ok to be that person. She does favor the wife yielding to the husband which if I had read the chapters in order I would have understood her reasoning at that moment. I didn't understand her reasoning at that moment but did understand her point that it is ok to yield to your partner. You don't have to stand your ground just for the sake of standing your ground.

Now in her earlier chapters she discusses the man's somewhat innate desire to be the leader in the family and if that is a role you agree with, the importance of the wife letting him lead. If you don't want a man who is the leader of the family, well, that particular chapter may not be for you. But that is why she favors the wife yielding to the husband, because he has assumed the role of family leader. For us, I do want Ross to be the leader. I don't want to be a doormat and I don't want to be a second-class member of our relationship. But I do crave a man, and fortunately have one, who can make hard decisions, hold his ground and will take responsibility for our family. So for us, I think this particular lesson resonates. I don't have to be the one to yield all the time, certainly I shouldn't be, but its ok if I do yield to him and let him lead our family.

I don't know that I am quite explaining all this well. I think it may sound like I plan on letting Ross make all the decisions. That's not the case at all. In short, I think the big take home point from this little wise book for me was if you say you want your man to be a leader in the family, LET HIM LEAD. Support him, respect him and don't insist on always being the leader yourself. Give him the opportunity to lead you and your family. If he is a good leader, which I know Ross is, he will ask for your opinion as an equal, just as you ask for his. He will make decisions based on what is best for the family and everyone will win.

And so you don't think old Holly was just out to get us girls, she told the men that they have to be good leaders, have to take responsibility for their families and must must must court their wives always and forever. I think that's a lot of expectations for the old boys but expectations that they must live up to if they are going to be the much respected man of the house.

There you have it, my personal relationship revelation of the week. Whew.

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