This morning's husband monologue
"Honey, when you are in Minneapolis today, I'm gonna need you to pick up a hippopotamus hat. A pink hippopotamus hat. (I start to say "OK but why do we need...") You might ask why we need a pink hippo hat. I'll tell you why we need a pink hippo hat. We need a pink hippo hat so when one of us gets on the other's ass about something like...say...cleaning the kitchen (insert over-the-top arm motions indicating that he is in fact, cleaning the kitchen) that they themselves do not do...they can wear the HIPPO-CRYTE hat to announce that they themselves are being a bit of a hypocrite."
My husband has never made a point more cleverly.