Sep 28, 2010

If I ruled the world...

Brittney recently posted a letter to men re: elevator etiquette. It got me thinking of all the things that need correcting. And since at age 25, with less than a year of marriage under my belt and no kiddos, I am obviously the most qualified person to correct these, I thought I would start by writing them down. So...

When I am Queen of the Universe...
  1. Men will hold doors. Forgive me if you have heard this story but it is quite possibly the most horrifying example of dead chivalry I ever saw. In Australia there were two young couples, both with babies in strollers, leaving the hostel I was at. Instead of the men opening the doors for their wives and babies, the women used the strollers to push open the doors and then held the doors for their husbands. OMG. ABSOLUTELY NOT. It's bad enough when a hubby doesn't hold the door for his wife but when he makes her open it using their child's stroller!?!?
  2. Brittney's elevator etiquette will be observed.
  3. Children will wear shoes in public places. I mean really, just gross to have your toddler running all over the grocery store barefoot. Children restrained by strollers are exempt.
  4. People will not rubber-neck at car accidents. No reason to slow down the unaffected side of traffic. Tell me you disagree with this. I dare you.
  5. my local traffic light,
    every morning before work
  6. Traffic lights will allow more than one car to pass through before turning red again.
  7. The whole world will embrace one form of measurement. And I doubt it even matters which one. We could go back to measuring things in hands as long as we all did it the same.
  8. People will say "thank you." Didn't we learn this in kindergarten? (Ladies, especially important to invoke when a man implements # 1 or any other similar act. It's only fair.)
  9. We would all have our birthdays off of work. Thank you GSCTX for my million days of vaca that enable me to implement this one now.
  10. Parents of young screaming children will be cut some slack. Trust me, they want their child to be quiet too. It isn't for a lack of trying that said child is screaming.
  11. And finally, teleportation will replace driving, making numbers 4 and 5 irrelevant. I should have thought of this several rulings earlier.
Recommendations for things I missed?

PS Perhaps I shall tackle the more serious list of healthcare, early childhood education, student loan debt, bankruptcy laws, etc at a later date. I feel that might require additional research.

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